Off the Market May 24, 2008
Posted by Babs O'Leary in Dating.trackback
I am officially taking myself off the market. I don’t know how long I’ll stay off the market. Maybe for the summer, perhaps the remainder of the year. No, I haven’t found true love and true love certainly hasn’t found me. I’ve been noticing something about myself as of late and last night I fully accepted what I did not want to be true- I have become bitter and jaded.
I was having a pretty good time with my friends last night, but every time I made eye contact with a guy I looked the other way. I did not want to be bothered. A couple of times when men would approach me and get my attention by putting their hand on me I would stiffen. And the one time I agreed to dance with a guy and his little peepee (yes I said peepee) rubbed up against me I was disgusted. I could not get off the dance floor fast enough. I was just shy of being that girl. The one who rolls her eyes when guys try to talk to her and gives off the impression that she is too good to be approached. I so don’t want to be that girl.
I was driving home and thinking about how I simply do not want to do this anymore. It’s not even fun. It’s a constant stream of disappointments and let downs. And I know that I might set my expectations high for potential suitors, but what am I supposed to do? Lower my expectations? Am I not worth the standards I set for myself?
Don’t worry I am not above looking at myself and realizing there is a problem. If a house is on the market for 180 days there must be something wrong with the house, not the potential buyers. Unfortunately, there are so many problems with this house I wouldn’t know where to begin with repairs.
It really saddens me to feel this way. I know I have so much to give to a relationship but it is being wasted and bit by bit the good is being sucked out of me. All that is going to be left is an old bitter broad that no one wants to be around. So let me politely step out of the game while I can still be fun and happy around my friends.
Nothing wrong with that, Babs. It’s always good to evaluate ourselves. I think you will come out of this dating hiatus as a better person in the way you think about relationships. You’re preparing yourself for Mr. Babs! Hugs, lady!
Babs, like I always tell you…you are a wonderful beautiful woman on the inside and out. And I agree with Gladys…there’s nothing wrong with self-evaluation. I’ve done it many times. Taking a break is good…”Do You” Use this time to repair what you think needs to be fixed and figure out what Babs wants and really look at yourself and what is the commn denominator in all your relationships…You. and focus on you. You will come out of this a new and improved better BAbs.
Self evaluation is good. It can be eye opening to step back and ask “would I date myself?” and be honest with the answer. Using the analogy of the housing market is not being fair to yourself. All real estate markets aren’t the same, they constantly fluctuate. Just as in life – everyone is different, and nothing is static. Live your life and honor yourself above others, because, if you think you’re broken so will everyone else. {{Hugs}}
In the beginning ,the realization of the truth can be painful,difficult, and sometimes scary. I know because I’ve been there. Now the healing begins. It’s a continual process, levels of healing and growth. You’ll realize your strengths and weaknesses,where you went wrong, and the things you did right. As you take it day by day you’ll begin to feel lighter and appreciate yourself more. As you grow and heal and shine your light others will notice that light. You can and WILL make it, with or without that special someone. Just know that you are always surrounded by love and support. My prayers are with you always.
I’ll email you offline regarding this post.
I have been on hiatus close to a year. I am so over the “need” to be with someone. I am enjoying being me!
HUGS!!
There’s nothing wrong with evaluating yourself and doing something about the things you don’t like. A lot more people need to do it. I feel that is a very mature stand to take and truly believe this time will be good for you. You may not realize it, but you’re just preparing yourself for Mr. Right for you. I wish you well, sista.
Great post Babs!!!
I don’t want to be preachy or personal but I see this a lot among women. I fully understand the frustration regarding lack of quality. However, is ‘taking oneself off the market’ or having a sabbatical the honest solution?
Is the true solution working towards placing oneself in the right opportunity at the right moment of time to ensure best results?
Hi Babs…I didn’t have time to really comment earlier but I am back to say that self-evaluation is always a good thing. I think that once you step back you can see the entire picture and be a better person when you return. You will be wiser, stronger and more discerning in who and what will be good for you. I am there and I completely understand.
@Ed – it doesn’t matter if you are in the right place or moment if you are not in your right place mentally and emotionally. You will not even recognize the right place or moment. It is a mental spring cleaning, purging out the old to prepare for the new.
Hmmm. I seem to have mis-communicated what I was feeling. This “break” is less about me and more about them. I know what I am looking for. I just don’t feel like being bothered anymore.
Lol! My bad!
No it’s all good. I appreciate everyone’s encouraging words. It’s nice to know people care about me.
@cathy
“it doesn’t matter if you are in the right place or moment if you are not in your right place mentally and emotionally.”
So when is a person really at the right place mentally and emotionally? Why do people have to ‘fix their head’ to be able to interact with someone else?
I feel inner beauty can be detected even on a person worst days and worst dilemma. And I believe no one need to change, get themselves together or whatever.
A real relationship partner, a real soul mate sees potential, see a vision, see better days when they meet someone – they don’t try to get their freak on.
I somewhat agree with Ed. If people wait until they are 100% together emotionally and mentally they’ll be alone forever.
Babs,
I so feel you on not wanting to keep repeating the cycle of disappointments.. But I don’t think it is accurate to compare dating to the housing market. For instance, the home that I’m buying has been on the market for 200 days. Did that mean something was wrong with it? Nope. It just meant that it was waiting on me.. I think timing is everything and every situation holds something we can learn from. On that note, I’m doing some self evaluation as well. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna lower my standards, hell they might just get higher.
@Ed/Babs – I am not saying being 100% okay mentally and emotionally before you enter or remain on the market. I am saying if you are clouded with anger, bitterness, hurt or whatever the negative emotion of the day is, you will have a hard time recognizing what is good for you.
In my comment, I was referring to the bitter and jaded references in the post. Obviously, I misinterpreted Bab’s post but when I read it, those emotions I believe are the same emotions someone would experience after a break up. I would never advise someone to enter into any relationship until those feelings are dealt with.
@Cathy- I agree with you- if anger, bitterness and hurt are what’s going on in someone’s head then it is not a good idea to seek out a relationship. That’s not fair to the other person.
Self evaluation is the best.. and sometimes we have to take ourselves off the market & regroup in order to appreciate when someone good comes along.. Good luck Babs..
I’m there and its not an easy process but it can be fun learning about yourself again 
I totally like this post. I get bitter and jaded every third month and withdrawal. And that’s perfectly okay! Don’t be too super hard on yourself, I’m coming to believe that there truly is a dating sub-culture unique to Atlanta.
Plus, it’s in these times when you are man-hungry and have fun when you become the most attractive to others! So who knows …just kick back relax and enjoy the summer!
I’m totally enjoying being off the market! It’s refreshing. I told wise lady about my revelation and she gave me two weeks before I meet a handsome goodlooking. Let’s hope she is wrong!
I’m alllll late once again but just wanted to share this story…. One of my besties felt the same way you did Babs. She actually met her husband when she was feeling like this and ended up pushing him away because she didn’t feel like being bothered (I knew he was the one for her and was so mad!). In a few months when she felt like dating, she called him up and they started dating and married about 3 years later.
Allways follow your spirit because it never leads you wrong.