Admittedly, I know nothing about fraternities and sororities. I wasn’t a part of that scene in college and I only became friends with women who were in sororities when I moved to Atlanta because, let’s face it, 1 out of every 1.5 Black women in Atlanta are Greek. I know nothing about the requirements to pledge or the process to pledge. Hell, I don’t even really know if “pledge” is the correct term.
Having such a limited knowledge about all things Greek, I guess I have an idea in my head about the whole thing. And that can be pretty much summed up by watching “School Daze.” Yup, that is pretty much all I know- men, women, wooden paddles and sexy dance routines.
Recently, I was on a date with a fellow. Let’s call him Blue, shall we? So Blue and I met at a place of my choosing. Once we got seated I asked if he had any trouble finding the place and he told me no because he had been there before. He then proceeded to tell me how he was there celebrating the birthday of a guy who belonged to a certain fraternity he was pledging. He said it so casually I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly. See, in my “School Daze” presumption I thought pledging was something you did in college. And yes, I know you can, like, pledge in a graduate chapter, but Blue ain’t in graduate school! (note: the use of “ain’t” was strictly for dramatic effect).
Blue went on to tell me some story about the birthday boy having some mask and asking the other grown ass men wannabe fraternity members which one was going to wear the mask. Blue, of course, offered to wear the mask and everyone was laughing. And Blue was laughing as he recounted this story to me like it was the funniest thing in the world. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there picturing my date wearing a chicken suit or some crap while a room full of grown ass men made fun of him.
Check, please!
Yeah, I never saw Blue again. I like leaders, not followers. And that story just seemed so weird…and sad. At what point do you let your college boy dreams go and realize you ended up on a different path? I mean, hell, I always wanted to be a dancer but you don’t see me buying a leotard and auditioning for Alvin Ailey. That ship has sailed.
Okay, Greek people. School me. Is it weird to be 41 and pledging a fraternity? Does a 40-something pledge get the same respect as someone who pledged in undergrad? Would you have gone out with Blue again?
Naw…that’s not weird to me anymore to know someone in their 30s/40s pledging. You don’t have to be in grad school to pledge a graduate chapter of any historically black sorority or fraternity. You only have to have obtained a bachelor’s degree. My ex was pledging an Omega grad chapter while we were dating several years ago. I had to be patient with him being all hype about his pledge experience. I became a Delta in undergrad and had gone through all of that while in college. He had not and now was his chance to experience what he missed out in undergrad. The problem comes when folks act like they are STILL in undergrad while they are pledging a graduate chapter. Especially men…it irks me, but I understand.
I should have added that he has been “pledging” for like a year. That seems like a mighty long time. Like they are stringing him along of something.
You shouldn’t know this information, at all. It looks like “Blue” is not only trying to gain man points from this whole frat thing, but even sadder is him trying to do it before he’s even a member.
It’s not weird at all. Grad chapter doesn’t mean you’re in grad school. It just means you’ve already obtained your undergraduate degree.
Greek life has never been for me, but my uncle became a Kappa in his early sixties. I think it’s kinda dope, actually. Blue pledging doesn’t make him a follower, as long as he acts his age in the process.
See, told ya I didn’t know stuff! I thought it meant you were in grad school.
Well I guess Gladys summed up what my response would have been.. I don’t see it as being a follower. And imagine this, you may not want to be a dancer now, but I’m sure there are things that you wanted to do from an early age that you still want to do now and will do at some point. Just b/c we are older doesn’t mean we have to give up on some of our dreams..
I agree with you 100%
This isn’t weird to me because my graduate chapter had a 70 year old on the a line in the early millennium.
Not weird to me. I considered grad chapter myself, but then life went in other directions for me. It may be something I consider again in the future.
When I first got to Charlotte, I used to date this Kappa. Went home to meet his parents and his mom had AKA items all over the house. I assumed she pledged waaaay back in the day when she went to school to become a teacher. He said, “oh, she just did that last year.” I think his mom was in her mid 60s.
I was invited to participate in a line. I have reservations because I am 40. Also, there is some discussion that I would be “voted in”. Say what now?
I guess it is no longer that serious to me. I don’t think I would date a forty year old man that is being “straight-up pledged” and geeked up about it. One year “on line”? Boy bye! Just like I would never date a man that barks on a roller coaster (yes, this happened). Just like I would never date a man that travels to his alma mater to “make” a few folks or participate in branding activites. How will I explain to our children that Daddy went to U of I to bring an illegal line over?
You would have to be voted into a historically black sorority, no matter which one you were interested in. That’s the way it works.
I laughed out loud at the Alvin Ailey thing.
Although I pledged and joined a sorority in college (Sigma Kappa), I guess I’ve never heard of adult or graduate chapter. Hmmm. I am learning things here, too.
The more pressing question, that I’m surprised no one asked, is why he made a date out of this event. It’s loosely a pledge session.
A FIRST date, at that.
And as an active member of a graduate chapter, I see plenty of overgrown men acting like they’re 20 but…I’ll reserve that commentary. I just don’t know people’s story. I do know that Black Greek life is a lifetime commitment to fellowship and service.
I misread. He was recounting the event AFTER it occured.
I considered pledging a grad chapter when I was in my early-twenties but I’m not really interested now. I can see wanting to do it at any age though to get involved in the community service aspect and to expand your social circle. That’s not what I need right now though so I’m not doing it. I wouldn’t think badly of someone who did do it late in life.
But…dude’s story makes it sound like he’s experiencing lightweight hazing hi-jinks. I thought they didn’t do stuff like that in grad chapters!
Everyone else pretty much summed it up. And historically black sororities/fraternities are not the only organizations that do graduate intake of new members. Some white organizations do too.
….and posts like this is why you stay in my BlogLovin. Hilarious! Oh, and Micki…..tooo funny!
I’m not greek but a friend of mine who is not Black and is a Delta Zeta (white sorority) and works in greek life at a college told me that being active in the organization after college and grad chapters is more what Black greek orgs do. In recent years white sororities and fraternities are trying to get their members more involved after college. She also told me white sororities don’t use the word “soror” which was news to me. I think I know more men who pledged a grad chapter than I do women. And they all did it in their 20′s. But it was something I found out about after the fact, not during. My father pledged an undergrad chapter when he went back to school at 26. He did it for his cousin who had died recently and was a member of the same organization. So, I do think it is odd he would be blabbing to you about that on the first date. And for a year?? wtdda? I probably would not have seen Blue again. I don’t think it’s weird to pledge at 41. Not common but not weird. But all that yapping blue did and pledging for a year is weird. I have loads of friends and relatives who are greek and I was a debutante for a sorority but it was never something I strongly desired to do in college. I would consider pledging a grad chapter if a friend or someone I really respected and admired mentioned it to me. Any place there are a lot of professional African-Americans, like Atlanta, plenty will be Greek. I get asked if I’m greek I think only because I went to an HBCU. If I meet someone and share that, sometimes the next question is did you pledge?
The things you dismiss people for, Babs… LOL
Most people that choose to become members of black fraternities and sororities do so because they are looking for a lifelong bond of brotherhood, sisterhood and a means to commit to doing service within our own communities. Many come from legacies of family members that were also in these organizations. I don’t see anything wrong with anyone wanting to seek membership in the years after college. Maybe you didn’t have the grades needed at that time, or had a difficult major that required your attention, maybe you had to work and support yourself through school, or your college did not have an active chapter or line while you were there? If it was something you wanted to actively pursue, by all means you should pursue it.
As for respect, respect in any of these organizations is earned by the level of committment you have to the organizations goals. Someone can pledge ‘hard” as an undergrad and then graduate and never be active for the rest of their life. Another person can become a member at 41 and then spend every other weekend helping others in the name of the organization for the remainder of his life.
I don’t think I would judge someone as a “follower” simple because he belongs to a group that I don’t fully understand. I would have dated him again, gotten to actually know him before I judged his character.
In reality, to join an organization at this age, he must have a lot going for him. To get selected…He probably has a solid career, is very active in his community and was able to afford the cost associated with membership and has a strong desire to help others.
I’m not saying he is a follower for being in a fraternity. I am saying he is a follower for putting on a mask in the middle of a crowded restaurant and letting others make fun of him all becuase he wants to be a part of a fraternity. He’s 41!
LOL! I feel you.
I don’t think it’s weird. But I don’t think he should have been discussing any of it with you. I am not greek but I’ve always been under the impression that if you are pledging that you’re not supposed to discuss it with anyone who is not greek. Like you Babs, I’ve also always thought that if you pledged after college, you’re not as respected. It’s good for socialization and networking I guess.
I’m not Greek, so my opinion may be different from the previous comments. I do find it odd, and I would not seek another date with him. If he were in his 20s, then maybe I wouldn’t feel that he was being (as much) a follower as a man in his 40s. I would wonder what he felt he was getting fulfilled by joining at this age that he had not already addressed in his post graduate life. Is there a need to belong to something? What are his reasons for joining? Why does he find it so damn funny that grown men were deciding to wear a mask in public as though there were school aged boys. And then there’s the question o what will happen to him after the process since many college aged boys go through a “fraternity” phase that is similar to that of school daze (at least from my experiences in college). Yeah… I wouldn’t be interested at all.
I’m no help here…I still occassionally think about pledging and I’m kissing 40…